Synergy – Joseph A Federico

Conversations with Jason Cobb

December 4, 2018
by josephafederico

My second guest in this blog series is a man, a legend… on Instagram and in real life. The true reason I reached out to Mr. Cobb, was because I was intrigued by what story he had to tell, that I just knew he had hidden behind his somewhat-scandalous story and platform wall. He’s not a many of many words, but what he shares is one of love and self-truth.

Ladies and gents, I’d like to officially reveal Mr. Jason Cobb!

I was supposed to be a high school theatre queen, having been in every musical, touring troupe, and theatre production I could find. So, fast forward past college and logically, I became a lawyer (sarcasm intended). I came out of undergrad the way most people worked their way through – undecided. I knew I wanted an advanced degree, if only because I knew I was capable. What form that took was mostly irrelevant for the longest time.

But several years out of undergrad, I found myself married to the first guy I ever asked out (a guy I met at my telephone customer service job), and he had legal dreams. So, after watching him tackle his first two years of law school, I was very much into “that’ll do.” So, I quickly followed after.

Fast forward through a few houses, a few mortgages, several dogs, and a kid. After fifteen plus years, I decided to get gay-divorced before that got trendy, too. And at forty, I found myself largely unsure of myself and what I had to offer anyone on the dating front. I got a quick education. But first, I got a mustache. Duh.

It sounds silly, but growing a mustache had a LOT to do with me owning my own appearance, and accepting that I didn’t want to try passing for a young man. I looked like what I looked like, and that was fine. My goal was to be genuine. Frankly, my life had gotten really complicated in a short amount of time, and the last thing I had energy for was creating an alter ego.

But, choosing to present yourself in a genuine fashion necessarily requires a large measure of self-acceptance. And part of my journey of self-acceptance was realizing that I was fine just the way I was… that not everyone was going to be into me, and that I didn’t need everyone to be into me. And mostly, that I wasn’t my own type.

Really. I realized that as a gay man sizing up every other gay man, I didn’t need to meet my own standard or checklist of what I was looking for. I wasn’t into me. But solely as a preference, not a judgment as to my worth as a human being. Just because I wouldn’t date someone like me didn’t mean I wasn’t worth dating; it just meant I was looking for someone with a different taste in men. I came to accept it as perfectly normal for someone to see things in me they find impossibly sexy, attractive, and loveable, that I simply didn’t appreciate at all, or that I even found unattractive.

This approach also freed me to feel validated about my own needs and desires. And so, @notgettingyouapony, my Insta handle, was born. I was fine being a daddy, but I already had an actual son who wanted me to buy him things. I wasn’t looking for another bill, or another tax deduction.

Having never really dated before shacking up and getting married the first time, I quickly appreciated that I also lacked any dating skills… as in, I can’t take a hint, I don’t understand when someone makes a pass at me, and making repeated passes usually results only in the same reaction. I’m that dense.

So, I decided to try just being nice… to be honest about my feelings, including with myself, not sleeping with anyone I didn’t actually like at the moment on some level as a human being, and trying not to unnecessarily hurt anyone. I didn’t always succeed, but I feel a lot better about myself thinking I did right by most people. Fight me.

My little midlife dating adventure led me and my boyfriend together a few years ago. He’s everything I could have dreamed for, and surprises me every day. And even though he tells me constantly, I still haven’t the damndest idea what he sees in me. But, I love him for it. And I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk (said with full appreciation that it sounds like a dad trying to be cool…)

Hi, I’m Jason.

Interested in becoming my next guest blogger? Drop a message to Josephafed@yahoo.com and we’ll get you squared away. Don’t be shy, now.

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Talking About Being on Television

August 23, 2018
by josephafederico

Many years ago, I’d met a young man named Scott; he was a regular at a local club I used to frequent during my “wild” days. He eventually settled down and began dating a fine young lad by the name of Mike. So, long story short and into the realm of synergy we go, I eventually met Mike’s mom, Doreen.

I drove to Doreen’s humble abode in New York State one fine afternoon, flowers in hand, to discuss energy and life path choices, and we really hit it off. She was such a beacon of light and positivity, that she did wonders for my self-esteem at the time. And little did I know that Doreen was well-connected to all walks of life – from world travelers to queer artists and everyone in between.

Skip to present day – a few months ago – and I received a group message on Facebook. It had been from Doreen, and she copied two other gentlemen. She gave a short, sweet and somewhat vague introduction, then left the conversation shortly after. It was her style to set an intention then leave the group to do what they may.

One gentleman, I never connected with, and the other was Eric Faria. He immediately private messaged me on his own regarding his line of work – which is in television and running a talk show – and wanted to know more about my debut novella and also inquired about me being an upcoming guest.

Having labeled 2018 as “the year of continued opportunity,” I immediately jumped at the chance to reply with a “yes” and gave Eric detailed information regarding my first self-published book. He responded quickly and set-up a conference call to discuss it further.

About two weeks later, Eric called me and we hit it off right away. We shared our special stories about how we’d met Doreen – the proverbial glue that cosmically brought us together – then he conducted a pre-interview in order to learn more about what I’d bring to his talk show as an upcoming guest. Well, it went swimmingly, to say the least. All I had to do then was pick a date and time of my appearance. I was ecstatic – not only at the thought of being on television, but also because I’d been given the chance to take advantage of a unique opportunity t0 share my newly-evolved, authentic self with people I’d never met before.

If you know me, you probably know the story of how I was on the once-popular children’s television show, “Romper Room,” in the 1980s for my third birthday. I was a special guest that day, and thanks to the technology of the day and to my brain for filling in the gaps, as we humans tend to do, I recall it being pretty fucking special. I mean, come on, it was the day of my television debut.

And, if you read one of my older blogs, you would have gone on another journey with me – one that took place last summer… a journey of being in my first feature-length film. That was an experience to say the least… You really should check it out sometime – both the blog and the film.

Right, so, yes… Once I solidified plans to travel to Mamaroneck, New York, I began working on preparing for my spot on “I Am” with Eric Faria. My assistant interviewed me in the style similar to how Eric interviewed his past guests. It did wonders because there was no way I would have gotten through a full hour of taping without some preparation. And let’s face it, I always like to put my best foot – in this case, best face – forward.

The day of the taping of the show came and I felt like a star. I got a fresh haircut and gave myself a manicure. I even took it very easy that Friday, assuring I ate light and sat by the pool to get last minute sun for that extra glow. I was beyond ready.

Later, I left for New York with plenty of time to spare, just in case I got lost. The trip over the G.W Bridge wasn’t too treacherous; I had RuPaul, Jennifer Lopez and other pop stars to keep me company along the way. By 6:50pm, I made it to the studio. I took a deep breath, pushed the “lock” button to my car, and walked away with pride.

The nicest people greeted me and led me to the green room. There, I cleared my throat, checked my hair, and conducted facial exercises to assure I’d speak with exceptional diction. Then, Eric came to greet me and walk me to the studio itself. It was just about go time.

Once I was in my chair, staff powdered my face and mic’d me up, then did a soundcheck to assure the acoustics were where they were supposed to be. Before I knew it, I heard a woman say, “Three… two… one…” She pointed in my direction and began rolling. On went the plastered smile and I shoved the nervous butterflies away for another day. “Hi, I’m Eric Faria…” were the last words I remember coherently hearing for the better part of an hour.

GULP.

Before I knew it, the second of three segments had been in the can, and we were about the film the final one. Now, I’d been fine up to that point… but, for some reason, time slowed down during the third segment, and I became aware of my surroundings. “Shit, I’m on television. Don’t freak out,” I told myself several times. I only had a few minutes left before the camera crew yelled “cut.” I snapped out of it and finished up with gusto.

I blinked and it was over… one full hour of discussing Voudou Juice, publishing, and the ins and outs of being a writer. What a trip. The staff took my mic off, I posed for a few promo shots with Eric and was sent on my merry way. To say I was riding high the next few days would be an understatement. I was proud of my accomplishment, my preparedness and, well, even prayed that the editors would cut out a bit of my on-screen awkwardness.

My video and podcast should be released soon for you all to enjoy. If my words touch at least one person out there in TV land, I’d consider it a great success.

Signing off…

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Read Aloud

August 14, 2018
by josephafederico

So, on August 3, 2018, I was invited to participate in a book reading, hosted by Glen Binger and The Working Artist. The event was called, “Stories By The Sea,” and the reason said event was so fucking cool and dear to my heart, is because all who participated were – in one form or another – native to my home state, New Jersey.

I’d been invited last year by the wondrous Mr. Binger, but unfortunately had a prior engagement to attend. See, Glen has tenacity and sure puts on an entertaining show. When I was asked to attend this year’s event, I was honored and immediately added it to my e-calendar, then swiftly began preparing a chapter to read out of Voudou Juice.

As the big night approached, sure, my mind raced, and I asked myself, “But, what if they don’t like me?” I had also prepared like a motherfucker, thanks to my trusty assistant, Christopher. Not that what I prepared came out the way I had intended, BUT, that’s another story for another night… and par for the course, right?

And, truth be told, I was also a bit nervous, because, sure, I’d spoken with Glen over the years, but didn’t exactly know anybody else, except for those I’d connected with over Instagram. OK, I’m 35, but adults get nervous, too, alright?

There was this one fella, now that we’ve met in person, I’m proud to call him my friend. He’d been attracted to my online profile and writing ramblings… we’d connected almost immediately. Arthur J. Willhelm‘s the name, and writing poetry is his game. He was the first person I met formally after parking around the corner from The Working Artist. I felt like we’d known each other for ages.

So, OK, let’s now cut out the rest of the formalities, and skip to the good shit… After about 30 minutes of mingling, the event started, and each person read aloud for up to 15 minutes. The amount of talent in the room that night was immense… poetry slams, hot verbiage and tempered feelings poured out of each person’s mouth, one right after the other. And shit, the support we showed toward each other was a sight to behold.

Then, at about 8:40PM, after the last of us got up onstage, we went back to the meet and greet portion of the evening. Strangers even came up to me to say congratulations and told me what a great job I’d done. Then I, in return, passed positive vibes back to my fellow creatives. Truthfully, the ones I’d met that night, they’re going places. And, I can’t hardly wait to gather with them again next year.